literally what the fuck is my dad even yelling about my mom just said “ok” in like a completely neutral tone to something he said and he started yelling about her “attitude” and stormed out of the house
WHY am i getting yelled at
sometimes i think about all of the dead poets’ society moments in my life where teachers or TAs or professors or friends singled me out and said you are very good at this, you should be an artist, you should be a writer, you should do this for a living and how lucky and privileged i was to have all that support thrown at and around and under me and how it didn’t matter because it’s sort of like trying to break a brick wall by throwing oranges at it, really, depression’s one hell of a drug
i am not very good at remembering minor things like where my keys are or what day it is but i tend to keep my autobiographical memories locked the fuck down so i sometimes find myself in this situation where people will say things like “remember how you always…” and its like no because that literally never happened, this is what happened, but when you correct people 100000% the time the response you get is “wow i didnt know you were so mad about it” so i usually just sit there going “oh” until they stop talking
also i’m so “okay” about so many ppl lately im just like i dont care, i can’t care, there is literally nothing right now that will make me care about anything beyond the immediate and terrifying event of having to be a person daily and i know you want me to like reach out and comfort you i GET WHEN PEOPLE ARE LIKE…VYING FOR ATTENTION…I CAN TELL…IM SORRY I JUST CANT RIGHT NOW. I DONT HAVE IT IN ME.
or even how do you just say I DON TTHINK YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS ANyMOrE AND it maKES ME SAD BUT ALSO ANGRY BECAUSE JUST TELL ME HOLY SHIT!
my mom made me a good sandwich with avocado on it for dinner but i haven’t been hungry since lunch because i’ve been Sad™
Accept one favor from an ouphe, and you're doomed to accept another.